Probation Department

[unhappyparent]

Hello all I am new to this. I just want to let everyone know that I have a very troubled teen. He is completely out of control and it is taking his mother and I everything we have to try and fix this problem. We cannot get any help from the local probation department. He was in a fight in October in school which during the fight he broke a kids glasses and we had to pay for new ones. The probation department did get a police report on this and nothing was done. He has been to out of school detention class (case) 3 times this year and everytime someone is put in there the probation department is notified also. Again nothing done. We have recently had even more problems with him in which he tried to run away the county police picked him up for us and made a report to the probation department also. Nothing done!!!! He has threatened my wife stole many many things from us which we have also made police reports on. Nothing done!!!!!!!!!The most recent one was when he said he was going to run away and then charged me and I had to take him down, I stayed on him until the police arrived. They took him to the Dekalb county Sherriffs office to talk with probation. The ''ON CALL" probation officer told me she was to busy to leave her home and come to the jail to meet with us, I thought thats what "ON CALL" meant. I have not heard from her yet since that night. Again nothing done from probation. Sound like a bad problem huh!!!!!!!!! I work alot of hours and my wife is home alone with him alot and I am very very scared for her. We are just being parents trying not to go to jail these days since they protect our kids better then they protect anyone.(not a bad thing) but when you have a totally unruly kid something needs done about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can honestly say that we are not bad parents I have a very respectable job and I volunteer a ton for the community. I have 4 other kids which are all on the honor roll and one getting to enlist in the marine corp. so I dont think we are bad parents just one very bad seed in our family. If someone could help me with this matter on the probation department and give me some direction it would be greatly appreciated.

[unhappyparent]

I just want to add to this the local police and county police have been very great to my wife and I thru all of this #@$! so I guess with all the bad stuff being said Thanks police officers and very very Good Luck Don Lauer and Mark Heffelfinger

[HoosierHelen]

Unhappy, you do sound desperate and I'm sure I would also be with behavior from a child as you are describing. Can you share the age of this child? I would have expected the local police you have worked with to offer you links to local resources? Is the probation department the only resource available in these cases? I'm not sure?

I'm very disappointed to hear that the probation officer was not available, however, if your child has not been placed on probation by our legal authorities, perhaps this was a contributing factor?

Have you tried discussing the child's behavior with your family Doctor? Your Doctor may have constructive input for you. I wish you, your wife, and family the best in this case. You are doing the right thing reaching out with your questions. Hopefully someone else on here will be able to offer you a more helpful response.

[Mrs.Slotz]

My brother and his wife have a troubled teen as well. Your story sounds almost just like what happened at their house. They have had this child on many meds and none of them seem to be working. He did have to go to court for cracking someone in the head with a chair while at school. He also threw that chair out the window and my brother has to pay for property damages. The probation dept. put him in Juvy and he got out early and stole my brothers car, totaled the car. The police came and when they tried to notify my brother that they had his son and the car was totalled, they could not get thru. WHY? because his son cut the phone lines to the house. Well, now, the kid is really in trouble because he "cut" the lines of communication. They hauled his butt right back to juvy and he will have to be there for at least one year. The kid is only 14. Such a shame.

[unhappyparent]

he is 13 and the local police have been giving me all my options he is already in family counseling

[Teddy'sWife]

Hello to all! I am new to this but couldn't help myself as I read unhappyparent's all too familiar story. I had an unruly out of control teenaged daughter. I, too, couldn't get anything done about anything she did as far as the probation department went. I wanted them to take her to the juvenile detention center because I had all I could take. She was fearless of me - it didn't matter what I did - she did what she wanted to me or anyone else who got in her way. I eventually did get the probation department involved (after many attempts). I just kept calling the police for EVERYTHIING she did. I told them that I was going to continue to call them until something was done with her. I would even call them in the morning when she wouldn't get up for school. I think they started hating me, but I never quit. They would come to my house, get her up, make her go to alternative school in whatever clothes she slept in (not even brushing her teeth or combing her hair) and in handcuffs. She didn't care - but eventually I think the police department MADE the probation department get involved because they were sick of me. I do have a happy ending though - she is now a 20-year-old college student who tells me all the time how much she realizes that I truly loved her because I didn't give up on her and I didn't give in once I started. I truly hope you and your wife can get something done with your teen. It is such a hard time for kids and parents. Sometimes it feels like you will never see the end of the tunnel, but don't give up because you are not alone. You will be in my prayers and so will your son.

[HoosierHelen]

he is 13 and the local police have been giving me all my options he is already in family counseling

Unhappy, What are the other resources the local Police recommend beyond the probation dept. and family counseling? Has your child been placed on juvenille probation yet? Because we do live in smaller communities, I do believe our local police have the benefit of being acquainted with problem individuals and their families.

I believe if local law enforcement is aware this child's parents wants this child to be monitored by probation, they will cooperate. If there is an active Judge's order that this kid be monitored, that probation officer should be in violation of his duties, if he doesn't respond when called. Do they place those ankle braclets on juvenilles who are on probation? That should help keep track of him.

The best time to nip this behavior is while your child is still a juvenille.

We have a young girl in our small town who is approx 13. When we walk our dog, she shows up, walks with us and tells us some very disturbing things she has been doing. I understand her parents are divorced. We are not acquainted with either of the parents.

I've suggested to her that her behavior is not attractive and can very likely cause her problems with the law. She is quite proud of her abilities to intimidate younger children, take their money and cause them grief. This reminds me of the bullying problem recently discussed at DeKalb High School...but this young girl isn't even in High School yet. That old song...Trouble Ahead, Trouble Behind, runs through my mind when we visit with her.

Again, best of luck to you, Unhappy. I believe the legal system will work with you and your wife when they see how willing you both are to resolve this problem. Remember....it's the squeaky wheels that gets oiled. :)

[nathandiehl]

unhappy,
You may want to consider sending your child to a residential program designed for out-of-control teens.
I have heard a lot of great things about residential programs that remove a child from their environment.
I personally know 2 (now adult) people who spent some time in one particular program, and it really turned their life around. PM me if you're interested in the name of the place and some contact info.

[Mrs.Slotz]

Hello to all! I am new to this but couldn't help myself as I read unhappyparent's all too familiar story. I had an unruly out of control teenaged daughter. I, too, couldn't get anything done about anything she did as far as the probation department went. I wanted them to take her to the juvenile detention center because I had all I could take. She was fearless of me - it didn't matter what I did - she did what she wanted to me or anyone else who got in her way. I eventually did get the probation department involved (after many attempts). I just kept calling the police for EVERYTHIING she did. I told them that I was going to continue to call them until something was done with her. I would even call them in the morning when she wouldn't get up for school. I think they started hating me, but I never quit. They would come to my house, get her up, make her go to alternative school in whatever clothes she slept in (not even brushing her teeth or combing her hair) and in handcuffs. She didn't care - but eventually I think the police department MADE the probation department get involved because they were sick of me. I do have a happy ending though - she is now a 20-year-old college student who tells me all the time how much she realizes that I truly loved her because I didn't give up on her and I didn't give in once I started. I truly hope you and your wife can get something done with your teen. It is such a hard time for kids and parents. Sometimes it feels like you will never see the end of the tunnel, but don't give up because you are not alone. You will be in my prayers and so will your son.

My brother's son went to alternate school too. He got kicked out of there because he would not follow the rules and just kept getting into more and more trouble. Prior to the chair incident, he took some oregano there and was disguising it for pot. He got caught and that is when the police finally got involved. He would even beat his own mother up and threaten to kill her. I know I would be terrified to have him sleeping in my house. They say he has ADD and that if he takes his meds, he would not be acting out this way. I wonder if he will ever get to come home.
To Teddy's Wife" I am glad that your daughter turned out well. She has you to Thank.

[Teddy'sWife]

My brother's son went to alternate school too. He got kicked out of there because he would not follow the rules and just kept getting into more and more trouble. Prior to the chair incident, he took some oregano there and was disguising it for pot. He got caught and that is when the police finally got involved. He would even beat his own mother up and threaten to kill her. I know I would be terrified to have him sleeping in my house. They say he has ADD and that if he takes his meds, he would not be acting out this way. I wonder if he will ever get to come home.
To Teddy's Wife\" I am glad that your daughter turned out well. She has you to Thank.

And she would tell me every day how much she hated me ... and I would look her in the face and tell her that's okay because I still love you.

Unhappy - don't give up - continue to involve the police concerning everything . Hope things get better.

[unhappyparent]

I will let you all know I adopted him along with 2 of his brothers over 3 years ago. The sperm donor is just that he had warrants in our county for DUI and behind in child support and moved to Colorado to avoid going to jail. I remember I was 22 years old when My wife and I got our first place it was an apartment and I was the one that told her honey it is only $50 more a month to have the extra bedrooms to have the kids live with us so I made that decision and never have looked back that was 10 years ago. He thinks his sperm donor is the best person in the world, he is a drug addict an alcoholic and he is 45 years old and lives with his brother we have offered for him to take the boy and he wont. So I think I have done my best over the years and the other boys love me so much. Just to give you a lil back ground

[HoosierHelen]

I will let you all know I adopted him along with 2 of his brothers over 3 years ago. The sperm donor is just that he had warrants in our county for DUI and behind in child support and moved to Colorado to avoid going to jail. I remember I was 22 years old when My wife and I got our first place it was an apartment and I was the one that told her honey it is only $50 more a month to have the extra bedrooms to have the kids live with us so I made that decision and never have looked back that was 10 years ago. He thinks his sperm donor is the best person in the world, he is a drug addict an alcoholic and he is 45 years old and lives with his brother we have offered for him to take the boy and he wont. So I think I have done my best over the years and the other boys love me so much. Just to give you a lil back ground

This is just my own opinion here Unhappy. Offering this young boy the opportunity to live with his biological Father who, as your report, is a drug addict and an alcoholic, is not offering him a hand up. Thankfully, the biological Father is at least smart enough to recognize this.

IF you have adopted this child as your legal son, in my opinion, you need to step forward in the same manner any other natural Father would step forward. Require of this son, what you require of the others. When he doesn't measure up...the family counseling is a great resource. When one adopts a child...we are committing to FULL responsibility as a parent.

It appears his biological Father has given up his parental rights to you. DO NOT look backwards...look forward to what you can constructively offer this young man. I cannot imagine how it would feel as a 13 yr old to recognize my Father has disowned me. Intensive family counseling sounds appropriate to me. Do not give up on this young man or yourself. I have no doubt it feels overwhelming...but...when he is 25, he very well may be one of the closest family members you have (other than your wife). Because his needs were greater, his affection will likely also be greater towards you. BUT...it WILL require patience.

[Copycatted]

he is 13 and the local police have been giving me all my options he is already in family counseling

Marine Corps with your other son ding-a-linged with me unhappy until I saw this newer post of being only 13.

Doesn't DeKalb have an ROTC program though? Though I had graduated I went in with a friend who was enlisting and that Marine Recruiter turned to me and said I am gonna get you next,end quote,and so he did:)

My point is though I am sure even ROTC Recruiters can get tuff,when they see tuff...and now that I did some historically belittling of myself:(

[unhappyparent]

I will check on the ROTC thing thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also an update we went to probation yesterday she was very stern and to the point with him. He is now on probation for a year, and know I have to eat a lil crow because I think she did a wonderful job with him!!!!!!!! So wish me luck yall and I will try to keep you updated and thanks for all the positive comments