Have You Drank Your Jet Fuel Yet Today?

[RaceFan]

Ole and Sven were drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Minneapolis and one day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Ole said, "I vish ve had somethin ta drink!"

Sven says, "Me too. Y'know, I hear you can drink dat jet fuel and get a buzz. Ya vanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and got completely smashed.

Next morning Ole woke up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

The phone rang. It was Sven who asks "How iss you feelin dis mornin?"

Ole says, "I feel great. How bout you?"

Sven says, "I feel great, too. Ya don't have no hangover?"

Ole says, "No dat jet fuel iss great stuff -- no hangover, nothin. Ve oughta do dis more often."

Sven agreed."Yeah, vell, but dere's yust vun ting."

Ole asked, "Vat's dat?"

Sven questioned, "Haff you farted yet?"

Ole stopped to think. "No "

"Vell, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Iowa

[bigkneedgal]

A husband and wife are sitting on the front porch enjoying a glass of wine. The wife says "I love you so much. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

The husband looks at her says: "Is that you talking or the wine?"

She replies: "That's me talking…. to the wine."

[evilkumquat]

I had assumed this thread was about Charlie Sheen or Amy Winehouse from the title.

[No Adventure Is Too Small]

I had assumed this thread was about Charlie Sheen or Amy Winehouse from the title.

Two southern fellas were out in a pickup drinking
some budwiesers and having a good old time.
Tossing the empties into the truck bed as they drove along.
A state trooper noticed what they were doing and proceeded
to pull them over for drinking and driving.
He approached the truck saw how giddy they were acting
and said you boys been drinking? They replied no sir we are
just out for a drive in the country. The trooper replied what are
all these empty bottles in the truck bed and whats up with the
budwieser label on your foreheads? They said well sir ya see we
used to drink thats a fact, but now we both are on the patch!